Have you just sat there and constantly questioned why? I seem to be doing this a lot lately.
I seem to have found myself in this little rut that has been a lot harder than it usually would for me to come out it of, many things have suffered in my life while I have been like this. I would find myself in a ridiculous mood for no reason, I would stress about things that didn’t need to be stressed about. Time was running away from me, I couldn’t possibly fit all the tings that I needed to do done in a day. Yet on any other day when I wasn’t in a rut I would be able to get all these things and much more done in one day.
I’ve questioned many times why I blog, I haven’t done anything on here for a while and when I have they haven’t at all been to the best of my ability so I should have just left it. I know I am not the best blogger out there and I know I am not nearly as good as even half of them. But this is why I do blog because even though I know all this, it’s what keeps me going. I never have wanted to be the best or better than anyone else, I want to be me and I want my blog to be mine and the only way that can happen is when I am in the right frame of mind.
I have questioned why I took on a managers job with my company? I know I can do this and I can do it to the best of my ability but recently it has felt like I shouldn’t have took the job on everything has been dragging me down and I haven’t had the support of my assistant manager like other store managers in the company. I know this company and how it works like I know the back of my hand but some days I sit at work in front of my computer and wonder if I do actually know my job at all. I am proud to call myself a manager after the hard work I have put into getting myself here.
There are many other things I have questioned about life and myself but I don’t need to give you every little detail of what has been going on in my mind I would more than likely only bore you with it. I do love my life and everything in it so I know when I get in these little ruts I will come out of it and I don’t need to change anything, I just need to make sure that I don’t do something that I would later regret. I tend to keep myself silent and read when I am like I have been so I don’t cause arguments with anyone or anything like that.
The main thing that I have learnt while I have been away in my own little rut and many days I have dug myself further into a hole rather than trying to climb out of it. Never, ever give up. The moment you begin to give up is the moment that you fully have started to lose yourself and everything that you have worked yourself up to be. You will always find yourself again, it may take a day, a week or even a month but you will and you can get back to the person you once knew you were.
I’m here again, my life is a little calmer than it has been these past few weeks.
My life has been so consumed by work, when Sunday came around I wanted to spend the day being fully lazy with my partner and that’s exactly what I did. Settling to being a manager took a little more time than expected, especially the time I now spend travelling too and from work can be a nightmare especially if there has been an accident or if I hit the roads at rush hour it can take me ten times longer to either get too or from work.
However with all this travelling I have had a lot of things to thing about and how there is a few things I would love to change in my life for the better.
My mind set. – There are a few things I just want to be a little different.
Not to lose myself in all the madness. – With becoming a manager and having a store to run and making sure other people are doing their job. I don’t want to be that person who becomes slightly unhuman when they become a manager, I don’t want that for me and my team.
Drinking more water. – I have never been a big drinker of water, it has never appealed to me due to the lack of taste so I tried to stay away from it and drink something with a little more flavour.
Spend more time with my partner doing things out of the house. – We spend so much time inside the house and I’m a girl that is so homely but sometimes he isn’t the same, and I would like to make a little change for him.
Always have a little me time.
Read more. – I do miss reading as much as I used to.
I have sat here time and time again just staring at the screen, my mind completely blank.
There has been so much that has been going on and I’ve felt a little lost a times. I ended up handing my notice in at my place of work and found myself a new start with a new company. I was stressed and excited with this concept. Then I had to have a meeting with my old regional manager and wow that changed everything that was going to happen. This left me telling the new company I could no longer start for them but thanking them for the opportunity that they were prepared to give me. Ever since then I have been up and down with emotions. I know in my mind it was better for my future to stay with the company I have been with for years as I know I am financially safe and when you have a home and bills to pay for that’s what’s needed. But the other job was a complete new start and I could have made myself safe within the company. I feel everything will work out as it is supposed to but right now I am a little in the middle with everything.
While all this is going on I have found myself taking on a Crime Scene and Forensic Science course, which I have not started at all. I don’t have control over my mind at the minute one minute I am my happy self, the next I feel so sad and down where I just want to be in bed and held by my partner. I feel like there is no one around but him that I can talk to which makes things hard at times as I do wish I had a few people I could speak to about life and the things that go on in my mind. But I do believe I am slowly getting there I will be settling in to my new role
What do you do when your mind is completely blank and your emotions are up and down all the time?
When I first started in my job I was just 17 years old and on a part time contract just to earn myself a little bit of money each week and to pay some to my mum and dad for living with them and being out of school/college. This job was only supposed be for a year until I found something better for myself and something I wanted to do. After 1 year on a part time contract I ended up on a full time contract instead of leaving. Then after the second year of being a cashier I ended up being a supervisor. Between 2 and 3 years later I become an assistant manager. 2 years after being an assistant manager I got the opportunities to go around to other sites and help open them up from on company to another, which gave me a lot of experience with other people and more of a managers role than an assistant manager however I was still on an assistant managers pay. I actually really enjoyed this, I enjoyed the travelling that came along with it apart from at rush hour, I hated it at that point.
However 2 days ago I handed in my 2weeks notice due to my Area Manager calling me negative. Why am I negative? This was something I didn’t really agree with and if anyone wants to give their opinion and critisim towards me that’s fine and I will respect that. However this time I really didn’t agree or respect it. I was called this due to when I had been moved to another store to help I wasn’t actually helping I was left to do the managers job with very little help from the manager, so whenever my area manager called I would tell them the truth instead of lying to them about how everything was going. This had caused stress to me due to over working to make sure targets were met, doing more hours that I should have been and then having issues at home because of this. So they had called me negative for never been over the top bubbly on the phone when they called, but would you be after everything that you had done for a manager yet been paid less than them?
Since I was accepted for a managers job with another company I have felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. However at the minute I feel like that weight has been replaced with another one. I’ve been a little bit of a mess due to the fact for the past 7 years I have been working with my mum and this means I am leaving her there. She has been the only reason I had stayed as long as I have done and leaving her just feels wrong even though I know this is right for me and this doesn’t mean I will no longer see her. Starting over does scare me as I knew my last job like the back of my hand and now I’m going to something I know nothing about or anyone who’s there but at the same time it does excite me a little.
Have you ever quit your job which you had for so long and been worried about starting over?
This post comes as I spend some of my days with my partner laid in my arms crying or I watch him sit by himself so withdrawn from everything with that look in his eyes that says something is missing, that something will now be missing for the rest of his life and I can never fill that little hole he has in his heart. My partner is one of the most loving, energetic little joker that everyone needs in their life and when you read the rest of this story you may question how he manages to be like he is today.
So what is the meaning behind the title? And why does my partner have these days? Here’s the story that explains it all:
When it comes to my nails I don’t see the big appeal in going to a nail salon to get them done, especially the part when you have to pay out £25.00 or more just to have them done. It’s a big no thank you from me for that one. Plus I’m not the type of person who can sit there while someone messes around with my hands I get frustrated at the thought of it. I know when I do my own I can take my time and they don’t have to be rushed, I can take breaks from doing them and then go back to them. There is so much comfort in doing them yourself in the comfort of your own home. I also find it highly relaxing to do.
I feel like now is a perfect time to write a review on the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why. The second season is soon to be coming out and I am excited to see how they will play it out after the death of Hannah.
If you haven’t seen the series, 13 Reasons Why, is all about a teenage girl who commits suicide. But before she does this she records the 13 reasons that lead her to her suicide. these tapes were sent to each of the people she believes played a little or a big part in how she felt and what she did. Each of these people are able to listen and think about what they had done to her, however by this time it was too late for anyone of them to change a thing about it. All but one of the people affected her in some way. Clay was that one person who she did apologise to on the tapes and admitted he didn’t really need to be on them she wanted him to know what had happened to her.
I really like how this story was played out, such a tragic thing but it’s reality. This is someone’s life and it just goes to show all those comments someone may say to someone else, they may seem so meaningless and not abusive but to the person you are saying them to or the things you are doing to them it can be something really big in their life. This series goes to show just how brutal high school can be for some people. They can walk through their school years so alone with people out their giving unneeded comments or pushing and shoving. Sometimes this can come from the persons closest group of friends, someone who knows their weakness and someone who knows all their secrets. The next thing they know there is a fall out and everything they trusted one person with is being used against them.
I love that this series was made. I fully believe that it can open peoples eyes into the reality that everyone needs someone there for them at their lowest moments, just someone who wants to listen to them and help them through their situation. Even more so for the people who have gave the slight comment to someone who could have knocked them down a little to start thinking more before they speak. No one knows what someone is going through, you don’t know how much a comment can hurt someone. How they can sit thinking about that comment day after day and what they did to deserve it. Think before you act or speak.
If you reading this feel like you have no one to talk to or no one who will listen to you or you simply don’t feel like you can talk to those around you, do not hesitate to e-mail me or contact me on my social media and I will be more than happy to try and help or just listen to you. You can find all my contact details on my Contact page.
Truth is you can’t just go around saying or doing something that is bullying towards someone else and expect it not to affect them. Not everyone is has the strength to cope with it and those who do have the strength the more they are bullied it can slowly break them down.
When you start blogging you find this love that you knew you had but you never knew just how much love you have for something until you start. You begin to find new friendships and some life long ones. You start to get regular readers and other bloggers who support you and what you do as they had the same passion that you have. You also find that it’s not always easy, it can be very time consuming. So why would anyone delete everything that they had worked up to for 8months? All the following, all the blog posts and all the emotion and every little bit of effort that was put into it. It’s a lot to lose, yet I still did it.
Well at the time it seemed like something I really wanted to do. However when I did it, I was so wrong. I remember the day clearly. The day before things hadn’t been good for me at all and my relationship everything had gone from suddenly being amazing to awful and hanging on by a thread. My life had suddenly seemed to turn into this one big mess, I felt like everything that I did love and adore, I actually didn’t care about anymore. I started selling make-up because I hadn’t used it even though I did love it at one point and knew one day I would use it. I deleted all social media and any apps that I had on my phone. The next four days that followed showed me why I shouldn’t have done any of this, I was in a place where I felt so alone and all my life I had never felt this alone. Living with my partner who I weren’t getting along with at the time didn’t help matters.. it was like a downward spiral and there was no way back.
However, I am now back and better than before I do believe. I have a lot more emotion for my new blog and a lot more love for what I had been doing. Having deleted everything and starting again two weeks later made me realise a lot about blogging. A fresh start means a lot of things: I now have to rebuild the following I once had. My blog currently looks empty and makes me feel like its just incomplete. I’m excited to rebuild everything once again though I do miss everything I once had the connections I had with people. But this is what happens when you make decisions in a minute of madness. So as my blog slowly grows and builds into what I want, you may remember me once again.
Schwarzkopf Got 2 b have a out a range of dry shampoo with added little features. One which adds volume to your hair and another which adds texture to your hair. I just had to try them. Dry shampoo is a lifesaver for me. I hate washing my hair every other day, never mind the fact that it isn’t all that good for your hair if you do this. What attracted me to this dry shampoo over my usual Batiste dry shampoo was the colours and the decorative packaging. They are just so bright and vibrant when you are looking in the shop you can’t help but to notice them and read what they can do. They also claim that there is no white residue left, how good does that sound? Read More